a special thanks

to those family and friends who have been there for us in the last few months. thanks to those of you who went out of your way to be there for us. for sending kind words. keeping us in your prayers. we love you all very much. thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

xoxo, amy and cj

So quiet!

CJ has been gone for five nights now. He is in Glendale, AZ for the National Championship {GO DUCKS!} while I have to stay at home for work. Don't feel too bad for me. We will be in Cancun in two weeks.

The house is sooooooooo quiet! My sister and her boyfriend Evan only left an hour ago. So, this is what it would be like to live alone? Hmmm, not sure if I like it. I have had something fun to do each night and have been able to keep myself busy, but I don't know if I would be happy living on my own. I enjoy my own company, but I also really enjoy the company of my husband. I miss him.

Great New Dish!

Here is an amazingly simple recipe that is delicious! It is from Martha Stewart. I added shiitake mushrooms to it as well:

~Stir Fry Noodles with Eggplant and Basil~

Serves 4
8 ounces lo mein noodles
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 tablespoon toasted sesame oil
1 teaspoon light-brown sugar
4 teaspoons vegetable oil1/
2 pound Japanese or other small eggplant, halved lengthwise and sliced 1/4 inch thick
5 scallions, white and green parts separated and thinly sliced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1/3 cup fresh basil leaves, torn, for serving

Directions:
Cook noodles according to package instructions; drain noodles and rinse with cold water. In a small bowl, combine soy sauce, sesame oil, and sugar and stir until sugar dissolves.

Heat a large skillet or wok over high until hot. Add 3 teaspoons vegetable oil and swirl to coat skillet. Add eggplant and stir until golden on both sides, 4 minutes total. Push eggplant to side of skillet and add 1 teaspoon oil. Add scallion whites and garlic and stir until fragrant, 30 seconds. Add noodles and soy mixture and toss to combine all the ingredients. Serve topped with scallion greens and basil

http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/stir-fried-noodles-with-eggplant-and-basil

Can you say "delish?" Oh, and it is great with a glass of Merlot. Or two.

Life keeps moving on

Yes, I woke up at another ungodly hour this morning. Again. At least it was 4 am. I only have a little longer until it is a decent time be wandering through the house. Having a hard time sleeping is only one of the awesome side effects of a miscarriage. Some of the others I won't go into detail about. You can research those lovely ones. My favorite, and I'm not being sarcastic, is the fact I have been using retail shopping as my therapy. I figured I could spend $1000 to see a shrink and maybe get some help, or have it hanging in my closet. I chose the latter. Although I am sure CJ is not too happy with my many recent purchases he has yet to say anything which is very unlike him. Although I know my shopping binge will have to end soon I am enjoying some of my new fall clothes. Thankfully I am getting paid on the 20th, that should make my bank account and my husband happy.

I know some of my friends are afraid I might not be grieving this appropriately or giving myself enough time. I don't really know how to grieve it, or what to do. I have yet to read a book on how to grieve the loss of a baby. A baby I wanted more than anything. A baby I spent two weeks in Belize talking to and letting myself become attached to. A baby who I still yearn for everyday, especially at four on Sunday morning. A baby I only had for four weeks before it was taken away from me. I am doing the best I can.

I am doing better and it is helping me that I have a class full of twenty adorable first graders to go to every morning. I am loving my class. Their sweet smiles are helping me cope.

As a way to become normal I posted our pictures of Belize on my Facebook page. I was so happy then. It took me a month to do because it is hard to look at those pictures. It was such a magical trip. It feels like years ago. So feel free to look at those and I highly encourage your next tropical vacation to be Belize. We loved it. It was such a calming, wonderful place. This picture is now my screensaver because it is so nice to look at. I took this on one of our boat rides out to snorkel the Barrier Reef.

my heart aches

and i don't know when i will be happy again. we found out this week i am in the midst of a miscarriage. i have no words for how i feel. we were supposed to be 8 weeks along. i have yet to completely miscarry and have to most likely go in for a procedure (d & c) next week. thankfully i have had to stay busy with new teacher orientation but coming home is absolutely dreadful. i am so sad and wonder if i'll ever be the old me. someone once said "death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person, what is worse is what dies within you." i now understand this. i feel empty. cj can't help, neither can my parents, and my sweet friends, who all have been wonderful in their own ways, can't help either. i feel numb. so numb.

that's all. maybe someday soon i'll post of our wonderful trip in belize, when we were celebrating being parents.

Canning!

This summer I decided I would try to do some canning. My mom and I used to make jam when I was little. Whenever I get a "wild hair" to do something I go all the way. I couldn't just make organic raspberry jam, I had to make organic blackberry and strawberry jams as well. I am also making three different kinds of pickles, jalapeno jelly, and tomato basil sauce. A lot of the ingredients are from our garden and yard. I picked 4 lbs of blackberries from our field! I was determined to make these organic and local. All of the veggies/fruits are either grown in my yard or from a local organic farmer. I am very happy to support local farmers all the while keeping my friends and family healthy!

I will post more pictures soon. I have only taken a few~ enjoy and let me know if you want some jam ;-)

One of eight jars of raspberry jam

Some of the blackberries I picked

Me after picking a lot of blackberries :)

Modern Day Slavery

Here is a very sad article about Portland and a world I know very little about. My mom has worked with different organizations to get the word out and to help stop this modern day slavery. Educate yourself, read it, and do something!

Dan Saltzman, Portland City Commisioner says: “There’s too many young girls whose futures are being sacrificed by our ignorance.”