that's all. maybe someday soon i'll post of our wonderful trip in belize, when we were celebrating being parents.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
my heart aches
and i don't know when i will be happy again. we found out this week i am in the midst of a miscarriage. i have no words for how i feel. we were supposed to be 8 weeks along. i have yet to completely miscarry and have to most likely go in for a procedure (d & c) next week. thankfully i have had to stay busy with new teacher orientation but coming home is absolutely dreadful. i am so sad and wonder if i'll ever be the old me. someone once said "death is not the worst thing that can happen to a person, what is worse is what dies within you." i now understand this. i feel empty. cj can't help, neither can my parents, and my sweet friends, who all have been wonderful in their own ways, can't help either. i feel numb. so numb.
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Amy,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I can't imagine anything worse than losing your baby. I know that there are no words that can ease your pain right now, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Aja
Thinking of you and CJ, Amy. My heart goes out to you both.
ReplyDeleteLove you, honey. I know that you feel like you won't ever be whole again, and you won't. Even loving and cherishing Nugget, I still miss Wild Thing terribly and I constantly think about how old he would be, how big I would be, what he would look like, etc. Losing a baby FOREVER changes you and your arms will always ache, but I have to keep the faith that the acute pain gets better over time. I hope you are finding some time to grieve in the midst of such a busy time for us teachers. Praying for a peace that covers you and hope that sustains you.
ReplyDeleteI miss you and wish I had the right words to say, or knew what to do in order to help you through this ... I hope that you are starting to feel a bit more like yourself (as some time has passed since this post). Please know that I think of your every day and that my heart hurts for you. Much love, Becky
ReplyDeleteI was just poking around on your blog and wanted to let you know how very sorry I am about your miscarriage. I know from experience how devastating that can be...and although the pain will fade (especially after you have a baby), you will always remember losing this one.
ReplyDeleteI remember being pregnant at the same time as some friends, and in a later miscarriage, at the same time as my sister. Now I occasionally remember this when I see these children growing up...what would my child have been like?
Keep the faith and believe in your future healthy pregnancy. Now I reassure myself by knowing that I would never have met Kieran if I hadn't had all those miscarriages.
Hugs!!