I know some of my friends are afraid I might not be grieving this appropriately or giving myself enough time. I don't really know how to grieve it, or what to do. I have yet to read a book on how to grieve the loss of a baby. A baby I wanted more than anything. A baby I spent two weeks in Belize talking to and letting myself become attached to. A baby who I still yearn for everyday, especially at four on Sunday morning. A baby I only had for four weeks before it was taken away from me. I am doing the best I can.
I am doing better and it is helping me that I have a class full of twenty adorable first graders to go to every morning. I am loving my class. Their sweet smiles are helping me cope.
As a way to become normal I posted our pictures of Belize on my Facebook page. I was so happy then. It took me a month to do because it is hard to look at those pictures. It was such a magical trip. It feels like years ago. So feel free to look at those and I highly encourage your next tropical vacation to be Belize. We loved it. It was such a calming, wonderful place. This picture is now my screensaver because it is so nice to look at. I took this on one of our boat rides out to snorkel the Barrier Reef.
There is no one right way to grieve, sweetie. You do what you have to do (and I STRONGLY believe in retail therapy!) in each moment to make it through. Sleeping, working out, and trying again all helped me. Even with Nugget, I still miss Wild Thing all the time and Jason and I talk about him constantly. It will never leave you. Love you lots!
ReplyDeleteKatie is right -- and it was exactly what I was going to see -- there is not right way to grieve. It is all about what you need to do to get through the day. You are loved by so many -- including me; and most of us don't know how to help -- or if you want help. But, please know I think of you everyday. Hugs
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